11th page of 2018

It feels so awkward when your boyfriend ask you "When will we both get married?" her eyes looks so serious, but you yourself just want to take a break from the truth you saw yesterday, you just want to sit in the corner silently without anyone looking at you. I thought being a teenager will be so much fun, having your parents holds your hands and going to the adventure and doing shitty things together. But I was wrong. Not every parents or you, yourself have that chance to do the same shit. It's like when it's over and it's really is OVER. I tried to kill my inner feeling for being the birds in the sky for many times, swearing myself every time I hurt my mum for asking her to go out when I know, every time she moves her legs, there's a hurt feelings over her body and yet. She said okay and fall asleep in my car, sleep silently besides me.
I found a man who's going to keep me inside the house so I can be with my mom. When I feel that awkward feeling to look outside when it's already night. The freezing feeling when I'm outside the house when it's already 8 PM. I know, I never feel like this for many years. Having his mom by my side without having awkward feeling like how my sister would have. "I wish I could be her daughter". And yet, my mom reject those wishes from the first time, saying that I have a cousin who looks like her and acts like him in the first place. If you wish to have him with you, proof it that he's worth, and not acts lazy as your cousin. dang it.